Relationships are one of the most important aspects of our lives. People who are more socially connected to family, friends, or their community are happier, physically healthier, and live longer, with fewer mental health problems than people who are less well connected. It’s not just the number of friends you have, and it’s not whether or not you’re in a committed relationship, but it’s the quality of your close relationships that matters. All relationships encounter difficulties as well as the good times, but being/having a veteran in your life can effect these relationships in very different ways.
One cause of difficulties in relationships is often how we communicate (or don’t) our emotions, needs, and wants.
Some healthy communication strategies include:
- Active listening and regular check-ins – Try to be an “active listener”. Repeating what the other person has said back to them or asking for more details can really help you to take in and understand what they are saying. Making an effort to check in regularly can make it easier to manage challenges as they arise, rather than letting any problems build up. You could set aside a night each week or month to talk, or write down how you feel in a message or even a letter if it feels difficult to say out loud.
- Questions to help manage conflict – Sometimes when we have strong feelings about a situation, we assume we know what the other person is thinking, jump to conclusions or let past experiences have an impact. It can be helpful to take a step back and think through the following questions:
- What meaning have I given this situation?
- Is there a difference between the facts and opinion in this situation?
- What advice would you give to somebody else in this position?
- Is there another way to look at the argument?
- You can also work through these questions with your partner/friend/family member/child. Doing this may help you understand each other’s perspective, allow you to meet in the middle and find ways to do things differently.
- Setting boundaries – Limits and boundaries are about respect for yourself and for others. If you have a hard time saying “no,” often set aside your own needs to please others, or are bothered by someone else’s actions toward you, you have the right and the responsibility to speak up. You can set respectful boundaries in your life around your time, space, privacy, property, spirituality, feelings and conflict. Boundaries are learned over time and take practice to set and maintain. Setting healthy boundaries requires self-awareness and good communication skills that convey assertiveness and clarity. Assertiveness involves expressing your feelings openly and respectfully. It does not entail making demands, but it requires people to listen to you. Setting healthy boundaries requires you to assert your needs and priorities as a form of self-care.
Not all relationships are healthy, and sometimes you might need to let go of a toxic or painful relationship. In addition, some relationships are limited in duration simply by the nature of the connection – your relationship with a colleague, healthcare professional, or teacher, for example, may end based on various transitions in your life. Other relationships may end for various reasons, including a breakup, divorce, a move, or death. Remember that it is normal to feel a range of emotions when a relationship ends, including sadness, anger, or grief.
Being able to maintain strong interpersonal relationships plays a critical role in both our physical and emotional well-being. Think about the qualities that you value the most in your relationships— such as trust, respect, friendship, kindness, and honestly—and work on showing others those same values. While it can be easy to get caught up in our own lives and difficulties, make it a habit to spend time working on and protecting your relationships with the people who matter the most.
Here are a few resources to look at:
- https://theripplepond.org/ – support for veterans partners/families
- https://www.lgbthero.org.uk/ – relationship support/advice for LGBTQIA+ community
- https://www.changetochill.org/healthy-communication/ – healthy communication information
- https://www.relate.org.uk/ – relationship support/advice
- https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/your-stories/managing-mental-health-in-a-relationship/ – mental health and relationships
- https://www.nami.org/Your-Journey/Family-Members-and-Caregivers/Maintaining-a-Healthy-Relationship – tips for family/carers of those with mental health problems
Also to note this month:
February 2nd is Time to Talk Day – the nation’s biggest mental health conversation. Happening every year, it’s a day for friends, families, communities, and workplaces to come together to talk, listen and change lives. See if you can take the time to ask someone how they are feeling and start the conversation to reduce stigma around mental health. https://timetotalkday.co.uk/